Once, I Was Lily

***CONTENT WARNING: This story explores mental illness, self-harm, and sexual assault***

[Image description: Black-and-white image of a battered leather-bound diary with the words, ‘THINGS I WANTED TO SAY BUT NEVER DID’ scratched onto the cover. Sourced from Unsplash.]

‘Once, I Was Lily’ is a short story about a young girl battling for control of her own mind in the summer between the end of high school and the start of university. It deals with confronting issues, including explicit descriptions of mental illness, self-harm, and sexual assault – so please take care while reading it.

‘Once, I Was Lily’ was published by Deakin University as part of The Other Side digital anthology, B3-4 Publishing, May 2021. For copyright reasons, only Sarah’s contribution to the anthology is available on this website. Click here to read it!

My name is Lily. Lily Peta Griffiths. I’m seventeen, but sometimes I feel so ancient. It’s the thoughts, they weigh me down.

But you already know about the thoughts. I’m talking to myself, as usual.

6:15am, Saturday 21st November 2009

Last night I hardly slept. I thought I heard crickets rustling their wings in the bushes beneath my window. Can you dream sounds? Do crickets rustle their wings in the dark?

If this story raises any issues for you, please contact:

Lifeline on 13 11 14 (24/7)

1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 (24/7)